“The angry people are those who are most afraid.”

~ Dr. Robert Anthony

 

LETTING GO OF ANGER IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE

Over this Memorial Day Holiday I decided to start working on my checklist of home repair/maintenance items.  One item on my list was to get my house power-washed  and the gutters cleaned.  I had a few flyers put in my mailbox over the spring and decided to call one of the numbers on the flyer.

CALLING THE WRONG NUMBER

I knew right away that I should have called the next number, because the guy wanted the job too badly. But…I thought how bad could it be.  Let’s just say that it’s three days later and I still don’t have my house power-washed, BUT I have this guys ladder in my back yard along with his water hose (which means he has to come back).  He wants an additional $40 for fixing the fence and putting up fascia that came off (things I never asked him to do) and he ran into the utility pole in my yard and bent it (he didn’t tell me, just didn’t think it was important for me know this). Needless to say I was angry.  I was angrier than I’ve been in a long time.

GETTING ANGRY – WHAT IT FEELS LIKE

I had to think back over my life when and why I’ve been that angry.  Usually it was when people tried to get over on me, when people wasted my time, or when I felt people were just plain mean and scary — frightening.  So after I identified the feelings that were happening to me I just allowed them to happen.  I just fully experienced the anger.  I fully experienced the fear of dealing with someone who felt “dark” to me.  Someone unable to control his need to harm others, abuse others, scare others, and just be unfair in his dealing with others.  I thought of all the things I wanted to do to get back at him for making me angry and afraid, THEN I just stopped and wondered what exactly was I afraid of.  The unknown of what he could do to me or my house? My mind was racing on what COULD happen…still could I guess because it’s not resolved.

GRATEFULNESS FOR THE EXPERIENCE

I went back to being grateful.  Grateful that I am not around a person like that on a daily basis.  Grateful that I am not him.  Grateful I don’t have to live this life like he does. Grateful that I am safe today.  Grateful that he didn’t power-wash my house and  mess it up. Grateful that I’m only out of $100 and not $125 “deposit”.  Grateful that my childhood experiences and professional training has allowed me to recognize people like him and know how to deal with him.  Grateful that I had that experience and felt that sort of anger and fear again.  (At some point when you have been living in peace and serenity for as long as I have you forget what these “negative” intense feelings feel like).   Grateful that I could allow it and just let it go, let it ebb away from me.  Grateful that I can trust life and what it has in store for me (even though I know there is still the possibility I’ll get angry again and there may be something real to fear in final dealings with him). Grateful  none-the-less that I’m able to see the value even in this thing.

You can let go of anger…just allow it…feel it…recognize it…

You can let go of fear…just allow it…feel it…recognize it….

Post Note: June 1, 2012 – Still haven’t heard from the “dark natured’ guy, still have his ladder and hose.  Maybe I’ll never hear from him again.

Post-Post Note: June 6, 2012 – Still haven’t heard from the “dark natured’ guy.  Decided to research on line how to power-wash a house with a hose and DISCOVERED a product call Mold Armor at Home Depot for $8.97.  I brought it and it worked like a charm.  My house looks like new — for a grand total of  $8.97.  Let’s just say if he doesn’t show up or call EVER again…then the experience was valuable.  For $100 I got a lesson in anger, my fenced fixed, my fascia put back on the house, a ladder that reaches the second floor, a very long garden hose AND the realization that MOST EVERYTHING I have on my list to fix around the house I can find instructions on YOU TUBE…I even figured out and FIXED the garbage disposal…I’m smiling now!