Seems when I just go and do things that I’m led to do I have the most rewarding experiences.sunrise

So this weekend I just went…

To See A  Documentary

Heard on NPR there was a documentary being shown at a local church.  So, I just went to see the documentary called The Final Gift about a lady who lost her brother to murder and her journey to make sense of it.  It led her to get a master’s degree in Criminal Justice, making a documentary, and not just talking about but actually participating in Restorative Justice.

Watching the documentary was interesting.  Listening to the filmmaker was interesting.  The most interesting thing is that out of tragedy she found her voice.  You could see and hear the passion in her voice and attitude. I went because of my brother’s murder and wondering if now was the time for me to “deal” with it, research it, call Atlanta PD cold case unit, and solve his murder after all these years.  I left thinking when the time is right I’ll know.  I guess for so long I’ve remembered what my uncle said at my brother’s funeral; “There are somethings that are not meant to be solved, they just are, like getting a cold.”   I still don’t feel the passion to pursue cracking open this case  – yet –  but watching this film and listening to the film-maker was a stepping stone and I’m glad I just went…

To A Funeral of The Lady I Didn’t Know

I always get the Friday paper to see what’s happening over the weekend. I never actually read the paper I just look at the section about what’s happening over the weekend.  Somehow, I decided to read the paper and I read about a lady who died who was like the housekeeper from “The Help” for a local family.  I guess that’s why it made the paper.  I thought it was interesting about first this making the paper and that you never know what experiences in your life will make you “make the paper” once you’re gone.

So, instead of going to exercise class (normal Saturday morning routine)  I decided to get dressed and go to her funeral.  I’ve never been to a funeral for someone I didn’t personally know.  I guess most people haven’t.  It was a very strange feeling, watching and listening to people who I didn’t know.  At some point I got nervous that someone was going to ask me how I knew this lady who had died…what would I say?…I read about her in the paper and decided to come…that sounded crazy…I kind of stuck out like a sore thumb.  I didn’t look like anyone there. No one asked me who I was, thank goodness.

The experience was very interesting –  I wondered/pondered/experienced the below:

  • What do people think about when they look at corpses in a casket?
  • Watching the people walk in single file to look at the lady in the casket knowing one day they will also die
  • What about those people who take pictures of the person in the casket? I’m still trying to figure that out.
  • One lady was talking to a friend and said; “When you’re 70 you’re not responsible for nothing.”  That’s what she told her children the other day.  I liked that comment!
  • The older women wearing wigs.  I wondered when do women just get comfortable with themselves, their own hair, their bodies?  Does putting on your wig (not being who you really are)  go on forever until you die?
  • The people talking, laughing having a good time before the family came in.
  • The casket being crooked and the lack of attention to that detail.  We can live crooked lives because we aren’t paying attention enough to straighten things  out.  Once you see things are going crooked in your life you have to straighten it up, even if people see you straighten it up,  just straighten  it up.
  • Why do people sign the register?  Is it like saying “present” when your name is called?
  • There was an announcement made that the family was coming in.  That meant for the talking, laughter and general “it’s just an event, no one in my family died” conversation (reunion) to stop.
  • The man in the grey suit with the white hat in his hand that made me think of my father and how he dressed.
  • A final viewing???  I’d never heard of that, where the family got to see the body again before the casket was closed and the funeral began.
  • The opening while they waited for the preacher to arrive – ” “Mother’ wasn’t a dead person, so don’t come in here to be a spectator (which is exactly what I was doing), we’re not in church but we’re going to give God praise like we’re in church (wondering if people really think that you have to go to church to give God praise), Take your brakes off and allow God to minister to your heart ( I liked that phrase), If you didn’t love her you wouldn’t be here (that’s not true, I didn’t even know her), I’m ready, Can you say you’re ready?, Mother was ready, Will you be ready? (the preaching into heaven and call to repentance in the beginning of the service?)…this “preaching” ends because the real preacher comes in.
  • Then this young lady got up and really sang this song.  She sang I Won’t Complain.  I’d never heard that song before, but it was wonderful and she sang it like a ministry.  If I didn’t do anything else on this day watching that young lady with the big earrings sing that song would have been enough.  Here’s John Legend signing it “mildly” , but this young lady really sang the song with all her heart and soul.

  • Back to the minster talking about how the lady had lived a beautiful life and that everyone’s heart was heavy. How she let her work – life speak for her and that when you’re resting in your grave there is nothing that can be said
  • The mention that text messages of encouragement that were given.  I thought that was very modern to add that to the normal cards and phone calls.
  • Admonishment to remember the legacy that “Mother” had left for her children.
  • Mention of “Mother” being in the local paper and why and asking the young man she had taken care of to speak during the open time for anyone to speak.

After people started to get up and speak I left. I didn’t wait to hear the Eulogy.  I guess I got what I needed.  I’d let go of my normal schedule and just went…let go of fear… not really caring what someone might think or if I would get something out of it.

If you just go where the universe is telling you to go, you will get what you need out of it…so just go…let go of your routine…and go.