It Takes Courage to Grow Up and Be Who You Really Are

~ e. e. cummings

Time to Grow Up

Have you grown up yet…or are you still trying to play the game of life within “the system”?

“The System” that says: “do-this, do-that, do-it-this-way, do-it-that-way, go-here, go-there, now-do-this-next…”.

What’s “the system” you might ask? The school system, the work system,  the money system, the holiday shopping for Christmas commercialization system, the government retirement system…should I go on or do you get the point?

Haven’t you had ENOUGH of the system? Aren’t you ready to stop playing the game of life by the systems rules now that you recognize it? Are you still afraid to question the system and worse yet, question yourself?  Are you afraid to question your beliefs?  What about questioning the control others have over you because of their beliefs, or going along with what you “should” do or believe.

Sometimes you have to dis-believe and carve your own path

…why…

Because this is YOUR life and YOU need to live it.

Are you afraid to take the risk and live your life and find your path?

Yes, you might have to admit that you’ve made some wrong turns here and there, but you have to be willing to right the ship.  Take the risk to change and be alright with the tunnel of change. It’s time to create a new you, not the you that you are “supposed to be”. It’s time to say yes to life and stop being “afraid” of fear or what “could” happen as you transform yourself.

Sometimes all it takes to say yes to your life is to question the answers.  The answers you’ve been giving yourself for all your life. Once you realize that this is your life, not  anyone else’s, but yours and that you are responsible for yourself and your decisions, you start the transformation process.

And yes, there are things you need to do, duties or responsibilities that you might need to bear…but question those to. Question all the “you aughta, you should, you must, you shall”…that you put on yourself or allow others to put on you.

You know how the story goes as that voice in your head starts telling you…

 “I can’t do this. I could never do that. I can’t quit my job. I can’t leave this relationship.”

EVERY TIME YOUR MIND TALKS TO YOU LIKE THAT ASK YOURSELF –

WHY NOT?

If you just keep asking yourself why not then you will realize that all those “reasons” why you can’t, couldn’t or  shouldn’t may not even be your own beliefs, but your parents, or your spouses, or from your culture – but not your own true beliefs.  These beliefs might be limiting you and holding you back.

What happens when you don’t question yourself?

You look up and you’re  in your 30’s , 40’s or 50’s and you have NO clue how you got where you are, with who you are with, in the profession that you are in and you feel like you either can’t or shouldn’t make a change.

How much time do you really think you have left in this life to be who you are supposed to be?

Honestly, think about that.

If you just stay stuck where you are, and if you aren’t growing, then you aren’t really living  you are existing and basically wasting your time — and your life. Your life is measured in time – seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, years, and decades.  So where are you?   If it is day-after-day-after-day of the same drudgery, then ask yourself why you feel you have to exist like that. It makes NO sense.

 So, now,  what do you do?

1. Get by Yourself

Try solitude for short periods of time first and then for longer blocks of time.  If you MUST have people around you and stuff happening all the time you should ask yourself why that is.  Is it a distraction so you are not alone with your own “scary” thoughts? Are you scared to really figure things out and then do what you need to do?  Are you afraid to challenge the status quo – the known for the unknown?  Are you afraid of change?

The level of fear that you have to change is positively correlated to the level of fear that you have to living life — because life is about change.  

Being – Becoming – Being – Becoming

Letting Go – Letting Come 

2. Question Yourself

Question the answers to your questions.

You will be surprised just where that rabbit hole will take you.  Just keep asking yourself questions that start with “why” and/or “how”.  Don’t settle for the first or second answer either.  Ask it at least three times until you get to the heart of the matter.

Questioning yourself fully and allowing the answers to emerge will take you past fear, past doubt, and past ALL the lies you’ve been telling yourself (because you’ve been afraid of change or in other words to live your life authentically).  Now, when you do question yourself, you must be willing to allow even the scariest thoughts of “if I do this then this might happen” scenarios to emerge.  Just allow those thoughts.  What you find is once you allow them, then they aren’t so “scary” anymore.

It’s not easy to search and challenge your own assumptions, but if you keep doing what you’ve been doing you are going to keep getting what you’ve been getting… and if you are happy with where you are in life then you would not be reading this far into this post – so start questioning your assumptions!

3. Focus on Solutions

Who gives a hoot about the problem.  After you identify it as a problem it’s time to just singularly focus on solutions. I can’t tell you how many people I know or have known who tell me all about their problems.  I get that, but I always steer them to focus on solutions because whatever you focus on is what happens.

If you focus on finding problems or things “wrong” then that’s what you’ll find.  If you focus on solutions or on things “right”, then that’s what you’ll find.  (There is an entire theory called Appreciative Inquiry that studies this.) 

So, I bet some of  you are saying right about now that the “problems” that you have are your “duty”. You know what you need to do.  You can’t make a change because you are just “bearing what you must bear”.  You are just doing what you “ought to do”, or you don’t feel free to make your own decisions,or what you want to do will hurt other people, or make them sad, or you don’t want to be selfish, or WHATEVER story you are telling yourself —so you can justify why you are miserable (in your job, in your marriage, in your skin…fill in the blank).  

Well, that type of thinking is okay for a period of time, BUT NOT FOR YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. Eventually you are going to have to face facts that you can’t live your life through other people, or for other people, or based on what other people think you should do.  It is time for you to grow up.  Move on. Leave. Make the Change. Just Quit.  Be Who You Are Suppose To Be.

Keep Discovering Your Passions

What are your hobbies?  If you don’t have any then you need to find some.  Hobbies are just another word for passions.  If passion is too strong a word for you then start looking for hobbies.

Create something.  Make something.  Write Something. Paint Something.  Grow Something. Fix Something. Clean Something. Try Something….and don’t expect to be an expert…just keep at it, see if you like it, all you have to do is enjoy doing it…

If you don’t have anything you are doing in your spare time (and television DOES NOT count – because you are watching other people perform THEIR hobbies and passions) it’s time to start doing something – ANYTHING that makes you lose all track of time. This is your first step on the path to finding your passion(s)…and yes, it is passions and not passion, because they too will change and evolve over time.

Remember this is YOUR Life.

One day you will die, but today you are alive.

No matter your situation, just ACT like you are free.

Free to be happy.  Free to sing.  Free to dance.  Free to smile.  Free to give. Free to love.  Free to sit.  Free to walk.  Free to Be.  Free to Just Quit