Where to start?

One of the beauties of living alone is you can do whatever you want.  For about a month I’ve been having some serious conversations with God.  Every time I realized that I was just having this stupid nonsense conversation in my head with myself about much of nothing I would immediately start talking to God…just like I was talking to someone in the house with me.

I felt like Job or one of the other folks in the bible…letting God have it.  It might seem irreverent but my relationship with God has gotten to be close enough where I’m okay questioning God.  I think having a Black Folder has gotten me that way…and how can you have a relationship without asking questions…and tough questions?

God what are you doing?  What is going on?  Why are you opening doors and then closing them shut?  What exactly do you want?  Just tell me what you want me to do?  Where do you want me to go? I’m sick of trying to figure it out. Why the mystery?  GOD – WHAT DO YOU WANT?

On and on it has gone for over a month.  Day in and day out. Then, God comes back with:

I want you to get out the way. YOU are in my way.  I can’t do what I want because you keep doing what you want.  I’ve BEEN trying to get your attention.  I’ve BEEN trying to see if you’ve learned anything yet. I’ve BEEN trying to see if I can trust you and use you to do some of the stuff I want to do. It’s been years. How much more of the same do you need?  Are you ready to move on? Are you ready?  Are you? So, yep, you are exactly where I need you to be, asking the right question, to the right source,  at the right time.

When you get here with God it ain’t no joke.

So, I thought maybe I needed to pick up a spiritual text since I’m having this conversation (fight) with God (yeah I started to get a little nervous and thought I should show  more reverence).  I have plenty of spiritual texts in my house from every major religion.

So, I asked God, did I need to read something, and God said to pick up the Bible. Now, that seems like such a simple request, but it was NOT.  I have an entire treasure chest (literally a treasure chest) of Bible and Bible Related Books from my days of what I call my “15 years of Sunday, Sunday, Wednesday religion'”.  I felt I’d read the bible so many times and knew the bible stories and the psalms and the proverbs. But…I was just trying to get out of God’s way, so, I picked up the bible.  I actually picked up two bibles and put them by my nightstand. One was the Kings James version, which I started reading but it took me back to those 15 years of ‘institutional religious mind-numbing book, chapter and verse finding the proof text to prove you’re right yet lacking inclusion, compassion and the spirit’. So…then I picked up the  The Illustrated Bible which is written in a tone and intent of trying to apply the bible to your life.  All the while I was thinking:

oh, has it really resorted to this? Really God? Aren’t you bigger than one book?  Please tell me that the last 7 years of my life of my spiritual journey has not been a wild goose chase. Are you serious that the answer to what you want  and how I can get out of your way is in the Bible?

I wasn’t proud of thinking that, but it is what I was thinking.  I could not hide that for God. I knew God already knew what I was thinking…so…I just went on with reading the bible at night before I went to sleep…hoping, wishing, thinking that maybe God would let me read something and then personalize it in my dreams that night.  I was just trying to find the answer to what God wanted. BUT…the answer to my question WAS in the Bible.  I needed WISDOM.  There it was this one simple yet profound line:

WISDOM IS KNOWING WHAT GOD WANTS

I had never, ever, ever, ever seen it written like that. It was like a bright light, a signpost, it was a direction to go in, it was something to seek…WISDOM…

Wisdom is What God Wants

 

It’s taken me years to Learn to Ask For Wisdom  if I Want to Know What God Wants.   And why wouldn’t I want to know what God wants?  Why would I go another second, minute, day not wanting to know what God wants?

Next Question:  “Okay God, How Do I Get Wisdom?”

Answer:  “You already know the answer to that.  You need to get back on the Meditation Cushion. Yes, walking daily and doing a walking meditation is good…but I need you to truly quiet your mind and your body so that I can give you wisdom.  

Then I thought back on another post and the video about  How and Why To Meditate“…wow…then I ran across this the other day… The Daily Habit of Successful People…confirmation that no, my 7 year quest has not been in vain…meditation is one of the tools to know what God wants and align yourself with that…success is relative…but misery is not.

Meditation Provides The Key…but…

Knowing To Ask For Wisdom Points You To The Door

Next Question:  “What happens God when my thoughts, words and deeds are aligned based on Wisdom?”

Answer:  “You shout it from the roof tops and you Tell Others…and when you tell them let them know it’s not you, but it’s the God in you…and don’t you forget that…don’t take credit for ANYTHING from here on out.”

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My mother knew Wisdom, so did my father.   They both knew and I thank them for helping me to Seek Wisdom, yes I thank them both. I can feel and hear my mother mostly (maybe because it’s coming up on a year since she’s been gone).  She’s saying: Rita I’ve crossed over…I can see you Rita…Just let God do it…God is everything…God knows everything… God is in everything…God WANTS to do it…Rita Just Let God Do It…Seek Wisdom Rita…Seek Wisdom Rita…Seek Wisdom Rita